I have been scanning prints and contact sheets for the past two days now. College has been far too creatively opressing and I feel like Engineering is the wrong major to keep me happy. I'm doing fine in engineering, and I'm having fun, but still. I just miss photography so much. So last night I went out into Chicago with my friends for Portillo's (which I hadn't had in YEARS) and brought the camera. I did a whole roll of Chicago night life. It probably won't be any good, but perhaps I'll score one nice print. Or two if I'm lucky. That's all Curtis said it took to be a good photographer. One good print per roll. Heh. I miss that guy so much, and I saw him a week ago.
Vietnam-Cambodia - i updated this directory with 6 of 25 sheets of black and white contact sheets, I will keep scanning each day and hopefully finish by the 11th when I go back home for xmas break Oh and the prints page is new too
What else is up ... dissatisfaction all around. I have no idea why, so I am going to work on that. Photography has been helping. I had a good time just shooting pictures last night. I will try some day stuff soon, maybe some shots of the lake? digitals of the sunrise? a tripod perhaps? Art is so much cooler than engineering.
With that I am going to bed. I read Iain's I am a college student jazz, and have come up with my own:
I am a Northwestern college student. I go to bed at 1:00AM.
I am a Northwestern college student. We drink white russians, black russians, and colorado bulldogs poured by a straight edge 18 year old but fully certified (in the city of Houston) bartender.
I am a Northwestern college student. My RA writes us up for having a classy, low key soiree with liquid refreshments because he supposedly was kidding when he said he didn't really care at the beginning of the year.
I am a Northwestern college student. My RA writes up the straight edge kid and the muslim girl (therefore straight edge) because again, he told us at the beginning of the year he didn't care and was supposedly kidding and therefore had to write everyone up, not just those in question.
I am a Northwestern college student. It's ok, because we can still laugh at our RA having screaming competitions with his girlfriend while trying to break up with her but always taking her back, oh, and we laugh too when he takes the nastiest shits in the suite lounge bathroom, EVERY FUCKING DAY.
I am a Northwestern college student. I do not kid when I say that the party scene here blows more than paris hilton.
Spork.
by the way, i don't really go to bed at 1:00AM ... that's just pathetic
I'm usually about 4:00 ... but a lot of NU kids go to bed early, that's what I meant.
J
My own spoof, because so many of them were enormously ironic.
I am a MALE USNA student. We don't get any.
I am a USNA student. I don't know what beer tastes like.
I am a USNA student. Late night drunken IMs from friends across campus have nothing to do with alcohol. we're just that immature
I am a USNA student. I pray for hotties in my classes and expect it to happen soon after the freezing over of Hell.
I am a USNA student. I have seen one party.
I am a USNA student. I dont have a ladder to my bed.
I am a USNA student. Christmas lights are a fire hazard. Decoration in general is a no-go.
I am a USNA student. Going to bed before 10:00 is illegal.
I am a USNA student. It can be worn again.
I am a USNA student. Going to early classes without a necktie is fine.
I am a MALE USNA student. I can go days without cutting my hair.
Grant... that's awesome.
John... that's hilarious.
(I never even read that whole list of things... maybe I should...)
ha AWESOME.
I am an OSU student. Party party alcohol alcohol drunk GO BUCKS FUCK MICHIGAN WOOO.
sigh.
hahaha, i love it ... i love it all
j
Um. I am an Emory student. I am Korean.
I am an Emory student. My party goes dry around 12:30.
I am a MALE Emory student. I wear a visor 24/7.
I am a FEMALE Emory studnet. I wear oversized and oddly-tinted sunglasses EVEN WHEN IT'S NOT FUCKING SUNNY OUTSIDE.
I am an Emory student. I am one spoiled little motherfucker.
Bah! I want Manual!
yeah, so that last one was diya, one of countless friends you have at emory.
and john - so happy to hear that i'm not the only person who thinks (boring private) college is the most creatively oppressing place i've ever been in. i've been very dissatisfied with the quality of my life here lately. me wanty play with manual kids. waaah.
-diya
you know, i wasn't sure if I'd ever say this, but I even miss mimi-mo's class just for the creativity we got from that shit ... I miss manyo too
J
heh, over the break, we should go visit mimi-mo....at home! that way, we get her AND clay, all at once! woohoo!
jesus, diya, 3 exclamation points in a row...is someone just begging for some excitement or what..
-di
i would like to take this opportunity to give wicked props to john for inserting that paris hilton allusion. truly aspiring.
not that insertion and paris hilton are strangers or anything...
(couldn't resist, man)
I am a UK student. The weekend starts on wednesday night.
I am a UK student. At any given moment, be it saturday night of tuesday morning, there is a party just starting somewhere.
I am a UK student. Everyone is "21" on the weekends.
I am a UK student. Academics: optional, Party: absolutely mandatory.
I am a UK student. I don't miss Manual, because it still feels like I'm there.
I am a UK student. I drink 100 proof vodka straight because I can't afford smirnoff and coke.
I am a UK student. I go to at least 3 parties a week.
I am a UK student. I have a 4.0.
-Ashley R
yes, because clay is a bundle of love in himself, and mimi-mo is simply his worshiper ...
danielle: nice ... all nice
Ashley: I hate you ... with a deep, heartfelt passion. You and your state school.
I am a Tulane student. I party hard and study hard.
I am a Tulane student. My roommate has peed in my trashcan.
I am a Tulane student. I have seven diffrerent types of liquor in my room at the moment.
I am a Female Tulane student. I believe that Ladies Night, Girls Drink Free means Drink Like There Will Be No Alcohol Tomorrow.
I am a Tulane student. My roommate has a STD.
I am a Tulane freshman. My first stomach pumping is free.
I am a Female Tulane student. I love my Louis Vitton handbag and wallet and change purse and my Chanel sunglasses and my Juicy Couture sweats.
I am a Male Tulane student. I realize that I can get almost any girl as long as I keep giving her free drinks.
I am a Tulane student. Everything I eat is cajun.
I am a Tulane student. My family owns a second home more than likely abroad.
I am a Tulane student. I wear a trucker hat.
I am a Tulane student. I know 18 to get in means 18 to drink.
I am a Male Tulane student. I've seen boobs and I didnt have to buy girls gone wild.
I am a Tulane student. I am finding very nifty uses for Mardi Gras beads.
-Marian...It's like a whole other world here in N'awlins.
Hey marian, when I said I hated Ashley and her school ... same applies to you
I am a Northwestern Student. I can smell John's room on the 3rd floor as soon as I enter the building.
I am a Northwestern Student. When in John's room, "You want somethin' to drink?" equals "You want a Diet Coke or should I steal one of my roommate's lemonades?"
I am a Northwestern Student. I hear John talk about how fat he is 10 times a day. That is, before and after every meal...that's right, I said 10.
I am a Northwestern Student. When I leave John's room not smelling like a $2 whore on new year's morning, my next visit is 1/2 off.
I am a Northwestern Student. If I don't make an obesity/smelly joke about John at least once a day, I feel dead inside.
I am a Northwestern Student. When they say Right Guard Power Stripe defends even the toughest odors, they mean John just got back from what he calls "lifting," also known as the treadmill and he's gonna wait it out till morning to shower.
I am a Northwestern Student. It makes me feel big when I make accusations about John's weight and overall hygiene, but I knowingly lose a little piece of my soul every time I do it. I have accepted this.
I am a Northwestern Student. I applied to high school. I own a ricockulously large house that I refer to as "not that big." I feel uncomfortable discussing my kidney shaped pool and hot tub. I make totally irrelevant "sweets bets" with my siblings and am shocked to hear that my mere mortal siblings cheat. I have unclean thoughts about prepubescent boys. I thought I had foreskin, but recently came to the horrific conclusion that I am Jewish. This past Sunday I was circumcised by this kid named Mike down the hall (who by the way is hotter than that asian hot sauce I bring to the cafeteria with me). OK so this last one should have been labelled "I am John" but whose counting?
I am John's Hinmate with absolute no conscience or thought for anyone else's wellbeing or self esteem. I am an Asshole.
-Illi-"bring in da funk bring in da"-noise
John I gotta say you smell really bad. If I had a choice between putting my face against your bosom or making sweet anal love to Roseanne, I would say "so where's the easy cheese?" If I had a choice between sitting right next to you or not washing my hands after coming out of your room, I would kill myself instead. If I had a choice between sucking on your teat or castrating myself, I would say, "so where's the rusty butter knife?" If I had a choice between touching you and then smelling my hand that just touched you or running backwards through a cornfield naked while being chased by a bare-assed and oiled-up Al Sharpton who desperately wanted to embrace me in a passionate oreo-cookie milkshake, I would say, "so what are your feelings on national healthcare?" If I had a choice between sitting on your bed or lying scantily-clad in an African desert while fire ants crawl all over me and into every orifice on my body including the urethra, I would say, "so when's the next flight to the Democratic Republic of the Congo?" If I had a choice between smelling you or smelling shit, I would say "what's the difference?"
JK john u don't smell that bad, but for Chrissakes take a shower within 24 hours after you "get your run and lift on."
muchos gracias
mike, sam ... i love you guys so much ... that's why we're friends
And sam, i do it for you cause i know it turns you on. also, i shower a good 80% of the time after every work out, it's just that sometimes it'll be 11:30 and I realize that i probably won't see anyone for the rest of the night because it's late. Then i forget that ... oh yeah, Sam wants to play my fucking gamecube 24 hours of all 7 days of every week of every month. Besides, i haven't missed a morning shower since i got here, and last i checked Sam the next morning is WELL within 24 hours of gettin' my run and lift on.
I'm so impressed with you guys, though, cause if it weren't finals week, you obviously would have never taken the time to write something so clever.
John.
PS - hehe, i laughed so hard through all of it though, props to ya'll ... maybe i'll write a response, but you know how lazy I am (just look at my study habits ...)
I am Ben. I wake up at 4:40 and never see the sun.
I am Ben. Every two hours I am hungry for anything, usually Jimmy John's.
I am Ben. Masturbation is like blowing my nose: it doesn't matter who's in the room and i can use as many kleenex's as necessary without washing my hands.
I am Ben. 90% of the time my jokes are never funny
I am Ben. I will have sex with your mouth, dead babies, or sandwiches.
I am Mike. I have to constantly tell everyone my penis is massive in attempts of convincing myself through a throne of lies and deciet that it is so.
I am Mike. I hate everyone.
I am Mike. I will hate you if you fucking move. (it's true)
I am Mike. I make irrelevant sports references that nobody understands anyway.
I am Mike. The radioman told me I had too many liquid refreshments.
I am Mike. I study film.
I am Mike. Beccause of this, I am bent over and done more often than paris hilton.
I am Sam. My last name is Rosenpenis.
I am Sam. I play more gamecube than anyone on the floor and i still suck the most.
I am Sam. I get really nervous whenever someone suspects I am gay.
I am Sam. I bat for the other side, but do not know what this term means.
I am Sam. I like it when Mike touches me that way.
I am Sam. I have copies of the paris hilton sex tape but ...
I am Sam. Let's just say i'm not watching the tape for paris, if you know what i mean.
hehe, i will think of more.
NEWSFLASH:
JOHN HANNAUER SMELLS
sincerely, your mother, liz
hey rosenpenis, learn to fucking spell ... it's hanauer, you made that mistake the last time
and i love how an hour ago you were like "I'm posting again" and this is what your genius little eight year old mind came up with ...
my hat is off to you bro.
John.
someone diss my hot sauce!? BRING IT ON.
your friends are funny.
So what if sam spelled your name wrong, some things just aren't worth remembering. However, incorrectly spelling deceit in your little I am Mike retaliation is totally unacceptable. It goes like this, "i before e except after c..." It's fairly self explanatory.
-Pratyash Badduga
(2002 Spelling Bee Champion)
hehe, pratyash is the man ... but euonym girl was the best.
and grant .... W T Fuck dude.
Grant, I know where that smiley came from... ;)
John... your friends rock... I wish I had friends at school to make fun of me.
NEWSFLASH:
EVANSTON, IL--
APPROXIMATELY TWO WEEKS AGO ON THE CAMPUS OF NORTHWESTERN UNIVERSITY, AN ENGINEERING FRESHMAN APPARENTLY DID NOT KNOW HE WAS CIRCUMCISED. JOHN HANAUER, 18, OF KENTUCKY, SEEMED PERPLEXED THAT HE WAS CIRCUMCISED, AS, HE SAYS, "I THOUGHT ONLY JEWS GOT CIRCUMCISED." A QUICK CHECK ON A PORNOGRAPHY WEB SITE AND SOME INSTRUCTION FROM NEARBY HINMATES HELPED JOHN TO UNDERSTAND. "THIS IS JUST MIND-BLOWING," HANAUER STATED. "IT'S LIKE I'VE DISCOVERED A NEW SIDE OF MYSELF. I JUST WISH I HAD A CHANCE TO USE MY PENIS OTHER THAN IN HOURLY MASTURBATORY SESSIONS." IT'S OK JOHN KEEP REACHING FOR THAT RAINBOW.
REPORTING,
ELIZABETH HANAUER
hehe, good call samuel noah rosen-anus
but dont' get mad just cause I poured a half full nalgene bottle of water all over you and wet your only half clean pair of pants because you're a dirty smelly half swedish fuck. Oh, and the only thing scaring me right now when you said there'd be brutal retaliation is that i'm afraid you or ben are gonna gang rape me ...
j
This is fucking rishlongulous. There is no fucking way that you can be this bad of a writer Hanauer. Honestly. I don't know if you need to proofread these comments or find a peer advisor, but something has got to be done, and this time, for a change, it isn't your sister. You wrote and I quote, "...i'm afraid that you or ben are gonna gang rape me..." Who are you, Gwen Stefani (she's dyslexic)? First of all, because you are saying you OR ben the following word should be IS not ARE and it is impossible to gang rape a person when there's only one other individual involved, no matter what you've seen in your pornos. That's why they call it a gang; there's more than one. You better clean up your act or you can forget about having your high school major as English.
Love Always,
Dr. Morehead & Ms. Collesano
(don't even get me started on that Morehead last name, i'll be here all night)
Wow, mike, you had to have gotten seriously desperate to go ask Teresa the names of my English teachers. Seriously, you don't see me walking to the midquads to ask Rishi your teachers names. Also, if the best come back is to nit pick over the word "or" then that's fine by me, I'm done, and I won.
J
Hello my name is John. Here are some "Fun Facts" about me:
1)I didn't know I was circumcised until 15 days ago
2)I've never been "drunk" in my life despite my parents' positions as high-ranking executives at a big liquor company, which enables them to have closets full of hard alcohol
3)I own a plantation and slaves
4)I touch Sam without his consent, and in an extremely sexual manner, in the mid-section numerous times a day, tell him "I love you" no less than 16 times a day, then make fun of him for being uncomfortable with such advances as some sort of indication that HE is gay.
5)I have a 23,000 volume pornography collection, 12,000 of which is homemade footage of me masturbating
6) I'm here for the conversation
7) I am most likely going to be the victim of a horrific prank by Sam with something along the lines of pouring diet coke on my bed because I poured an entire nalgene bottle on his carpet. But what can I say? I deserve it.
8) I'm the one who smells like raccoon urine, but I blame it on my room, which I swear smelled that way on move-in day.
9) One of my suite-mates is my "Weight Loss Coach"
10) I get mad at my Weight Loss Coach for allowing me to enter into an all-you-can-eat philly cheese steak contest because I apparently cannot control myself at all.
10) I considered going to the doctor to get tested for "Jungle Fever."
11) My name is John Hanauer, and I ran out of soap 1 month ago, and have been washing myself with shit ever since.
The reason I like that last comment the best is not because it reeks of truth, as well as hilarity, but because it is grammatical perfection. Something to strive for, John.
-Dr. Morehead Anyone?
PS I'm tickled pink with the idea that Sam and myself, Illi-"bring in da funk bring in da"-noise, are slowly taking over the spork. We are an unstoppable force. Similar to John at Stir Fry Night in the cafeteria.
There was once more here, but Sam and I got a little out of control. We both decided to keep it to ourselves, we've resolved our differences now and ended there. hehe, love you buddy
John.
I apologize to anyone not here at Northwestern. John's last message may be a little confusing. By "...a little out of control" John's saying that sodomy was involved. Sometimes he just assumes everyone knows his homosexual slang.
By the way, I'm still pissed off that I didn't get to be a part of that brawl (and by brawl I mean gang bang). Way to do it while I was at my Spanish final assholes. And since when are feelings involved in friendships? Everyone knows that they should be purely physical and nothing more.
Adios,
F. Castro
f. castro is mike, for those not knowing him (aka illi-bring-in-da-funk-bring-in-da-noise)
the spork is dead, just like mike's sense of morality. the new hot spot is www.wwujd.com
actually, JOHN, f. castro has become Mr. AT you fucking dickwad, get it right, and I still haven't gotten my appointment with the doctor .... doctor MOREhead
"excuse me, doctor? can I have some MOREhead?"
Mike
The following is a poem written by Sam about John. It is entitled:
"John"
I hear the cold taps of fingers on a keyboard
Your room opens to an intoxicating musk
Cat feces
Prison sweat
Perhaps;
Immediately the brown breasts of Buddha greet me
Christ is playing Mario Kart
Ganesh is meditating in the cold desert of the empty earthen pot
Which contains our ancestors
Jenna Jameson is there
Also;
Yet John is dissolved
Melted into the warm pungent air like a needle into the infant's supple skin
Giving him the Hepatitis-A vaccine;
Mike Tyson has the Hepatitis-B virus
But
That is besides the point
John is missing
Drifting away by the winds which shake the Palm trees in Palm Springs
Like a monkey shot into space
Or is he just invisible?
I am an IU student. I have only been to two parties.
I am an IU student. I have only been drink twice.
I am an IU student. One of those drunk times, I peed in front of a gay man.
I am an IU student. I have probably failed finite mathematics.
I am an IU student. I do not know the names of more than five of my hallmates.
I am an IU student. Some Saturday nights, my friends and I do radio for fun.
I am an IU student. I didn't go to one football game this season.
I am an IU student. I didn't care either.
I am an IU student. I have spent more weekends outside of Bloomington this semester than in it.
I am an IU student. I have $133 meal points to spend in two more days.
I am an IU student. I am actually considered to be from "a big city."
I am an IU student. And I think I am a disagrace to my school.
hehe, way to go Eli