OK, this is somewhat of

This is me helping identify.
Name: Mr. AT
Phrase: Sam, I had sex with your mother last night and she was sensational. Was she ever in the circus?
Detailed description of my imperfections: I talk to John. That's my imperfection. I also have a ridiculously large dong that prevents me from walking long distances.

alright, i guess that answers that ... although, I do know of one person that reads this that isn't commenting ...

holllla
give me a shout whenever you want to road-trip down to topeka to see your woman, i'm about ready for a trip back to good ol' kansas

Thanks Phil.

Everyone meet Phil ... Phil actually knows people from kansas, and more specifically ... topeka. That's because not only was Phil a badass news reporter for local topeka news station, but phil doesn't make up stories like I do.

phil and me

Phil rawks because tonight he said he has hope because of me (he might have said it in more words than that, but yeah).

J

John,

This is the Pope. I'm writing to let you know that Ratzinger and I have been reading your posts here and notice that you're not hosting advertisements. We suggest that you start placing ads on the page so that you can generate revenue.

And then give it to us. I mean God. I mean me. Yeah. Rock.

Anyway, ante up or you're gonna burn, kiddo.

Love

Popey McVatican

PS: Love the pool references: I scratched on the 8 ball last week, and now I owe the Dalai Lama a 10-spot!

Thanks Jay.

Everyone meet Jay ... Jay was recruitment chair for our fraternity ... Jay did an incredible job, because not only did he get me to drop, but I got the other 20+ associate members after me to drop, thus making Jay's actions of getting me to join Lambda Chi indirectly responsible for one of the largest rush classes in our history and largest of this year for any fraternity.

Yeah right, who am I kidding, nobody likes me. Thus it was Jay who brought upwards of 30 new A.M.'s to our fraternity.

For this reason, and the whole catholic thing, Jay rawks. Oh yeah, and he speaks two languages ... Irish and Russian ;)

John.

Mr. Hanauer...

As you can see, weve been keeping track of you for some time now. It seems, almost, that you have been living two lives. In one of these lives, you are John Hanauer, college student, fraternity member, and amateur erotic photographer. You have a social security number, you pay your taxes, and you.... help the girl in your dorm carry in her groceries. The other life is lived in computers, where you go by the blogger alias Spork and are guilty of none of the internet crimes that we have laws for. One of these lives has a future..... the other does not.

Now, we have been informed that you have been contacted by a man named Grover. What you think you know about him is irrelevant; he is widely considered to be one of the most dangerous men alive. Were willing to give you another chance, wipe the slate clean, get a fresh start. And all you have to do is help us to bring a known procrastinator to justice.

How does that sound?

Mr. Smith

Sorry for the delay. Two midterms and a quiz today (which is now yesterday on this websites clock)

Thanks Grover.

Everyone meet Michael Grover, aka Grover. Grover is head of ejumication (academic education, not fraternity education) in our fraternity. Also scholarship I believes. He's also the biggest baddest ass you ever saw.

He and his family (this is frat family, as in the "big brother system") are known to be the "enforcers." My family, I'm not sure if I've ever said, are known to be the "drinkers." This is what my big brother and grandfather told me (because of the word "brother," the heirarchy assumes patriarchal nomenclature beyond your first of "kin"). So, my big brother in the frat tells me that Grover's family plus my familyi equals the irish (enforcers plus drinking). Jay would probably have something to say to this.

Anyway, grover rawks just like phil and jay rawk. and for what reason does grover rawk? he's from minnesota, he's an engineer, and engineers are the coolest. Grover also strikes me as a very passionate person, I'm not sure why. maybe it was this speech on passion he gave (heh).

Rawk out Grover.

john.

To plagarize Mike's last post:

Name: Turbo Sexophonic Delight

Phrase: "I'm the straw that stirs John's mom's fifth vodka tonic today" (seriously though has anyone thought of an intervention?)

or

"What is that smell coming out of room 303?" (John's room [hey but it might be Kyle too {hmm...on second thought...}])

Imperfections: My God my scrotum looks majestic today.

holla.

i'm totally stalking you right now.
but i can't tear my eyes away from the beautiful words.

see ya in a couple
keep it super, bro